View source for 2 Samuel 18:1-18:33 Priorities Shape Us

= Title: Priorities Shape Us =
Big Idea: What you make a **priority** will **shape** your actions, your relationships, and the way you respond to God’s purposes. God’s plan will come to fruition, but your priorities will determine how you **interact** with His will as it unfolds.
Christ Focus: Following Christ is more than giving Him lip service. Jesus calls us to **reorder our lives around Him** — to make Him our **highest priority** and allow that priority to **shape everything else**.
Application: Examine your priorities and ask God to reveal where your life needs to be **refocused around Him**.

= Introduction =
== Image: Snacks are a Priority ==
When Emily and I travel, we make **food a priority**. Seriously, when we traveled to China, we packed an **entire suitcase of snacks**. Alaska, you guessed it, a suitcase of snacks. Montana, the **first stop before the hotel** was Walmart to buy snacks. When we go on a trip, you can **bet on two things**: I will pack enough clothes to change a couple of times a day (because I have my own problems), and we will have a **boatload of snacks**. Why? Because snacks **really matter to us**, and so we make them a **point of emphasis**. Anyone who spends much time with us knows that we **really care about snacks**.

We all have priorities, whether we **realize it or not**. What we **value most** eventually shows up in the way we spend our time, make decisions, use our resources, and relate to other people.

The problem is that we can *say* Christ is our priority while our lives reveal something **very different**. We may say that we trust God while prioritizing **control**. We may say that family matters while prioritizing **success**. We may say that holiness matters while prioritizing **comfort**.

== Need: We Often Prioritize Things Over Christ, but Our Priorities Will Affect How We Intersect with God's Plan. ==

2 Samuel 18 gives us a **sobering picture** of what happens when our **priorities collide with God's purposes**. David desperately wants Absalom to live. Others are focused on defeating Absalom. Absalom is focused on preserving himself and his position. And behind all of it, God is **accomplishing His purposes**.
Our priorities do not determine whether God’s plan succeeds. They determine **how we live within God’s plan**.

== Preview: In This Passage, We Will See Three Things About Our Priorities: ==
*   **Revelation** — Our priorities are revealed by what we do.
*   **Results** — Our priorities produce consequences we cannot always control.
*   **Recognition** — Our priorities shape how we see and experience the world.

== Text: 2 Samuel 18:1-18:33 (Read With Each Main Point) ==
== Setting the Stage: ==
David has **fled Jerusalem** because of Absalom’s rebellion. Absalom has now gathered an army and is pursuing his father. The battle is coming, but David’s heart is **divided**. He wants victory for his kingdom, but he desperately wants **mercy for his son**.

That **tension** becomes the heart of this chapter.

= Body =
== **Revelation** — Your Priorities Are Revealed by What You Do (18:1-9). ==
=== The way you delegate tasks reveals your priorities (18:1-4). ===

David organizes his army into three divisions under Joab, Abishai, and Ittai. He wants to go into battle with them, but the people **refuse**.
If we simply read verses 1–4, we might conclude that David is making some **very good decisions**. He is organizing his army under capable commanders, dividing his forces strategically, and expressing a willingness to go out with his men rather than sit safely behind the lines.

And David’s men reveal something about **their priorities** as well. They are deeply concerned about **protecting their king**. They tell David, “You shall not go out. For if we flee, they will not care about us. Or if half of us die, they will not care about us. But **you are worth ten thousand of us**.” Their willingness to risk their own lives for David demonstrates how **highly they value him**.

So even in these opening verses, priorities are **already becoming visible**.

Even the way we organize our lives reveals what we value. What gets our time? What gets our attention? What gets protected? What are we willing to 
sacrifice? Our priorities eventually become **visible in what we do**.

So far, everything looks fairly reasonable.

But then David says something that brings a **potential problem into the light**.

=== The instructions you emphasize reveal your priorities (18:5). ===

David gives his commanders a **very specific command**: “Deal **gently**, for my sake, with the young man Absalom.”

Notice what David **emphasizes**. The battle is important, but **Absalom is his priority**.

I want you to understand something about the situation. David has a **significant number of people** with him. The Hebrew word אֶ֫לֶף (eleph), translated “thousand,” can refer to a thousand, but it can also refer to a clan or military unit. So we should be cautious about imagining David standing there with a precisely numbered army of thousands of individual soldiers. Whatever the exact number, the point is clear: there are **a lot of people with David**, and these people are about to **risk their lives for him**.

Think about the situation.

These men have remained loyal to David while his own son has rebelled against him. They have followed David into exile. They have gathered together to **fight for their king**. And just moments earlier, they essentially told David, “You are more valuable than all of us. Stay here and protect yourself.”
And after all of that, David’s **primary instruction** is:

“Make sure you **don't hurt Absalom**.”

Are you kidding me?

Anyone who has ever received even basic security or tactical training understands the problem here. It is **difficult to win a battle** when you have specifically taken the enemy commander **off the table** as a legitimate target.

David is asking his soldiers to fight a rebellion while simultaneously **protecting the man leading the rebellion**.

It is an **extraordinarily difficult command**.

But it also tells us something **extremely important about David**.

Now we know his **priority**.

David is focused on **protecting his rebellious son**.

And this is where we need to be careful. David’s love for Absalom is **not itself wrong**. A father should love his son. The problem is that David’s priorities have become **disordered**. His concern for Absalom is influencing the way he responds to a rebellion that has brought **enormous danger** upon the kingdom and upon God’s people.

What we **repeatedly emphasize** reveals what matters most to us.

=== Even the things we place our confidence in reveal our priorities (18:6-9). ===

The battle takes place in the forest of Ephraim, and the text tells us that the forest **claims more lives than the sword**. The Hebrew word translated “swallowed up” (in the NIV, from the word for “eat”) normally applies to the sword eating a victim, but here it is **the forest**. That little detail is **significant**. This is not a clean, controlled battle taking place in the streets of a city. The **terrain itself** becomes part of the battle. The fighting is taking place in difficult country, and Israel’s losses are significant.

Then Absalom encounters David’s servants, and his head becomes **caught in the branches of a great oak** while his mule continues on.

There is something almost **ironic** about this scene.

Absalom has spent his life pursuing position, power, and recognition. He has carefully cultivated his appearance, his reputation, and his following. He has **stolen the hearts of the people** and declared himself king.

And now the man who wanted to make a name for himself is **literally hanging helplessly from a tree**.

The very pursuit of his own glory has become **part of his downfall**.

Absalom’s plans, his position, his army, and his own strength cannot ultimately protect him.

He isn’t finally stopped by a superior military strategy. He is **caught by a tree**.

There is a **ton of irony** here. Absalom was obsessed with his hair (at least that is what the narrator implied in 14:25-26), he placed himself on a mule — a **symbol of royalty** — and those two facts come together to **secure his demise**. His hair gets caught, and his mule continues on.

Now, we should not make the mistake of saying that every unusual event in life is a **direct judgment from God**. But in this narrative, the author clearly wants us to see **God’s providence at work**. The rebellion that Absalom has carefully planned is **unraveling**, and even the circumstances of the battlefield are working against him.

Absalom has been fighting against God’s purposes, and **God’s purposes are not going to be defeated**.

This brings us back to priorities.

Absalom’s priority was his **own glory**. David’s priority was **protecting his son**. And God’s priority was **accomplishing His purposes**.

Those priorities are now **colliding**.

=== Action Step: Take an honest inventory of your life. What do your actions reveal about what you actually prioritize? ===

Think about your children for a moment. What do you check on the most? Their homework? Their sports practice? Their grades? Their friendships? 
Their devotional life?

There is nothing wrong with caring about any of those things. But which one receives the **greatest attention**? Which one do your children see you **consistently emphasizing**?

What you *say* is important and what your life *demonstrates* is important are **not always the same thing**.

And that is something we need to **examine honestly**, because our priorities don’t just reveal something about us.

They begin to **shape the people watching us**.

And that is where we need to go next.

== **Results** — The Effects of Your Priorities Are Not as Predictable as You Might Expect (18:10-18). ==
=== Your priorities will influence the priorities of others (18:10-12). ===

One of David’s men sees Absalom hanging from the tree and **refuses to kill him** because he remembers David’s command.

David’s priorities have affected the **decisions of those serving under him**.

Take a second and think about this. We have a **fascinating situation** here. The leader of a rebellion is **completely vulnerable**, hanging helplessly from a tree, and yet the soldiers are **afraid to act**. In fact, the man who reports the situation to Joab goes so far as to say that even if Joab had given him a **thousand pieces of silver** on the spot, he still would not have killed Absalom because he knew what David’s priorities were.

Think about the **influence of that**.

David said, “Protect Absalom.”

And his men **heard it**.

They **remembered it**.

And when the opportunity came, it **shaped what they were willing to do**.

This is one of the **sobering realities of leadership**: what matters to you will eventually **matter to the people watching you**.

Your children are watching. Your spouse is watching. Your friends are watching. Your church is watching. The people you lead are watching.

Look, you are **constantly being watched**.

I grew up in a pastor’s home, and at times it felt like living in a fishbowl. You become very aware that people are watching what you do. But the truth is, this isn’t just true for pastors. Your children are watching you. Their friends are watching you. Your friends are watching you. The people you work with are watching you.

And they are **learning from you**.

What do they see you **prioritize**?

What do they see you **get excited about**?

What do they see you **protect**?

What do they see you **sacrifice**?

Your priorities are **teaching people** even when you aren’t trying to teach them.

But let me take this in a slightly **different direction**.

Maybe your priorities are not **completely aligned with God’s priorities**. Maybe there are things that matter deeply to you — things you want, things you value, things you **desperately want to control**.

Well, I have some **bad news**.

=== Your priorities do not guarantee that you will control the outcome (18:13-15). ===

David had done everything he could to **protect Absalom**.

He had announced publicly, so that everyone could hear, that Absalom was **not to be harmed**. The soldier understands the **seriousness of that command**. He knows that killing Absalom could **cost him his own life** because David had specifically ordered his men to deal gently with his son.

But it **doesn’t matter**.

Joab ultimately **kills Absalom**.

Look at this from a few different angles.

David wanted one thing.

Joab wanted another.

Absalom wanted another.

And **none of them gets to control the final outcome**.

David wanted Absalom to live.

Joab wanted the rebellion ended.

Absalom wanted the throne.

But **God’s purposes were going to prevail**.

This is where we need to be careful with our priorities. We often live as though if we prioritize the right things — or simply work hard enough — we can **guarantee the results we want**.

But Scripture repeatedly reminds us that **faithfulness does not equal control**.

You can make wise decisions and still get an **outcome you didn’t want**.

You can love your children faithfully and still watch them make **foolish choices**.

You can work hard and still **fail**.

You can pray faithfully and still receive an **answer you didn’t expect**.

You can do what is right and still experience **painful consequences**.
**Faithfulness is our responsibility**. **Control is not**.

And the more we try to control what belongs to God, the more we discover how **little control we actually have**.

The more we try to control, the more we find ourselves **out of control**.

=== When self-exaltation is your priority, the outcome can become devastating (18:16-18). ===

Verse 18 is fascinating.

Absalom had apparently prepared a **monument for himself** in the King’s Valley. The text tells us that he had no son to preserve his name, so he had erected a pillar and named it after himself.

It seems that Absalom had been thinking about his **legacy**. He wanted his name to be remembered. He wanted his position and accomplishments to outlive him.

And perhaps he imagined that one day he would die and be buried there with honor.

But that is **not what happens**.

Instead of an honorable burial beside his monument, Absalom’s body is **thrown into a pit in the forest** and covered with a **great heap of stones**.

There is a **striking contrast** here.

Absalom built a monument to preserve his name, but his body ends up **underneath a pile of stones**.

There are other examples in Scripture where a heap of stones becomes a **symbol of disgrace** rather than honor. Achan was buried under a heap of stones after his sin brought devastation on Israel at Ai (Joshua 7:26), and the king of Ai was similarly cast into a great heap of stones after his defeat (Joshua 8:29).

The contrast is **powerful**.

Absalom’s priority was his **own name**.

His **own position**.

His **own glory**.

His **own legacy**.

And in the end, the man who spent his life trying to make a name for himself becomes remembered primarily for his **rebellion against his father** and his **failed attempt to seize the throne**.

When **making a name for yourself** becomes your priority, you may end up building the **very legacy you never wanted**.

=== Image: I know someone who intentionally taught their children that money was the most important thing in life. Yet those children eventually became almost completely indifferent to money. ===

There is something important here: you can influence people, but you **cannot control them**.

You can teach your children.

You can model your priorities.

You can lead faithfully.

But you cannot determine what someone else will **ultimately do** with what you have taught them.

Our priorities influence others, but they do not give us **control over others**.

Our priorities influence others, but they do not give us **control over others**.

=== Action Step: Don't make your priority an outcome you want God to give you. Make your priority faithfulness to God, regardless of whether the outcome is what you hoped for. ===

Ask yourself:

Am I prioritizing faithfulness, or am I prioritizing control?

Because those are **not the same thing**.

God has not called us to **control the outcome**.

He has called us to **follow Him faithfully**.

And sometimes faithfulness means **trusting God** even when the outcome is **not what we wanted**.

== **Recognition** — Our Priorities Shape How We See and Experience the World (18:19-33). ==
=== Your priorities may not be the same as the priorities of others (18:19-23). ===

Ahimaaz wants to run and tell David the news. Joab initially tells him **not to go**.

We don’t really know all the reasons Joab doesn’t want Ahimaaz to deliver the news. Perhaps Joab is trying to protect Ahimaaz from David’s anger. Perhaps he knows that a foreigner would be less likely to be recognized and therefore less likely to face consequences. Or perhaps Joab simply understands that Ahimaaz is **not the right person** to deliver this particular message.

Whatever the exact reason, Joab once again demonstrates his tendency to **maneuver and manage situations** to achieve the outcome he wants.

But there is something else worth noticing here.

Different people have **different priorities**, and those priorities influence how they see the **same situation**.

Ahimaaz is thinking about delivering the news.

Joab is thinking about the consequences of delivering the news.

Ahimaaz sees an **opportunity to run**.

Joab sees a **potential problem to manage**.

Two people can look at the same situation and see **completely different things** because their priorities are different.

Eventually, Ahimaaz secures permission to run. He takes off and actually **outruns the Cushite runner** Joab had assigned.

But as he approaches David, we begin to see something even **more important about priorities**.

=== Your priorities will impact what others tell you (18:24-29). ===

David is sitting between the gates, **waiting for news**.

When he sees Ahimaaz approaching, David immediately asks, “Is **all well**?”

And when Ahimaaz arrives, David’s next question is even **more revealing**:

“Is the **young man Absalom safe**?”

David doesn’t primarily care about the battle.

He doesn’t ask how many soldiers were lost.

He doesn’t ask whether the rebellion has been defeated.

He doesn’t ask whether the kingdom is secure.

His **first concern is Absalom**.

“Is the young man Absalom safe?”

The question reveals **what matters most to David**.

Our priorities don’t just affect what we do. They affect what we notice, what questions we ask, and **what answers matter to us**.

Think about that for a moment.

If I tell you about something that happened today, what part of the story are you going to remember? What detail are you going to ask about? What part of the story will cause you to celebrate or become upset?

Often, our questions reveal our priorities **more clearly than our answers do**.

Ahimaaz knows the truth, but he carefully delivers **only part of the information**. He tells David that there has been a great commotion, but when 

David presses him about Absalom, Ahimaaz essentially **avoids the question**.

And then the Cushite arrives.

Now David is going to hear the news he has been **waiting for**.

=== Any priority that is not ultimately aligned with God’s priorities will eventually bring grief (18:30-33). ===

When the Cushite arrives, the news is **not what David had hoped to hear**.

Absalom is dead.

And David is **devastated**.

We need to be careful here. David’s grief is **not wrong**. His love for his son was real. A father should grieve the death of his child, even when that child has done terrible things.

But David’s grief also **exposes something deeper**.

His love for Absalom had become **entangled with a priority** that could not ultimately be reconciled with **God’s purposes**.

David wanted Absalom to live.

God had brought an **end to Absalom’s rebellion**.

And when David finally learns that Absalom is dead, he **collapses in grief**.

There is something **deeply human** about David’s response. He is not grieving because Absalom deserved to live. He is grieving because Absalom **was his son**.

But the chapter forces us to wrestle with an **uncomfortable question**:

What happens when something we love becomes **more important to us than what God has commanded**?

Sometimes the thing we prioritize most becomes the very thing that causes us the **greatest grief**.

David’s problem was not that he loved Absalom too much.

His problem was that his love for Absalom had become **disconnected from God’s purposes**.

And that is a **danger for all of us**.

**Good things can become ultimate things**.

Family can become **more important than faithfulness**.

Comfort can become **more important than obedience**.

Success can become **more important than character**.

And even something we genuinely love can become something we are **unwilling to surrender to God**.

=== Image: Lens Tinting ===

Think about wearing a pair of glasses with a particular tint. Everything you look at is filtered through those lenses. You may be looking at the same world as everyone else, but you are seeing it through a **different filter**.

Our priorities work much the same way.

They become a kind of **lens through which we interpret life**.

If my priority is comfort, I will see inconvenience differently than someone whose priority is service.

If my priority is success, I will see failure differently than someone whose priority is faithfulness.

If my priority is control, I will see uncertainty differently than someone whose priority is trusting God.

And if my priority is Christ, I will begin to see everything else through the question, “How does God want me to respond to this?”

=== Action Step: Ask God not simply to bless your priorities, but to change your priorities. ===

The question is not:

“How can I get God to help me accomplish what matters most to me?”

The better question is:

“God, **what matters most to You**, and how can I **reorder my life around that**?”

We don’t need God to become an assistant to our priorities.

We need God to become the **center of our priorities**.

= Conclusion =

The question this chapter leaves us with is not simply, “What are your priorities?”

The more important question is, **“Who determines your priorities?”**

David loved his son. That love was real. But his priorities became **tangled in his desires**, his relationships, and his hopes for the future.

Absalom prioritized his **own glory**, and it destroyed him.

Joab prioritized **victory**, and he was willing to disregard the king’s command to accomplish it.

David prioritized **Absalom**, and when Absalom died, David was **crushed**.

And throughout all of it, **God’s purposes continued to move forward**.

That is why following Christ cannot simply be something we say. Jesus does not call us merely to acknowledge Him. He calls us to **follow Him**.

Christ says, in effect, “Let Me determine what matters most.”

So take some time and **examine your life**.

What gets your **best time**?

What gets your **greatest attention**?

What are you **unwilling to sacrifice**?

What do you think you **cannot live without**?

What do your decisions reveal about **what matters most to you**?

Then ask God to show you where your priorities have **drifted**.

Because what you prioritize will **shape you**.

And ultimately, the goal is not simply to have better priorities.

The goal is to make **Christ our highest priority**, and allow **everything else in our lives to fall into its proper place around Him**.