View source for 2 Samuel 19 — Focus Matters

= Title: 2 Samuel 19 — Focus Matters =
Big Idea: Keep your focus on what matters, even when life gets messy.
Christ Focus: Jesus never lost sight of the Father's purpose, even when surrounded by complicated, sinful, and self-focused people. Unlike David, whose return to Jerusalem did not permanently unite Israel, Christ gives Himself to reconcile His rebellious people to God and ultimately gathers His people into one kingdom and one family.
Application: Ask yourself, "What has my attention, and is it actually what matters?"

= Introduction =
== Image: Keeping the airplane level. ==

Before I installed an autopilot in my airplane, I used to ask Emily to fly when I needed a break. We would get up to our cruise altitude, and I would tell Emily, “Keep the airplane at this altitude and direction and just fly while I take some time to rest and relax a little.”
The first time, I was surprised that neither of us got sick. We would hit a little air pocket, and the airplane would drop 20 feet. Emily would immediately pull back on the stick to get those 20 feet back, but then we would be in a rising thermal and shoot past our altitude, so she would push the nose forward. Back and forth, up and down, we would go until I finally realized I was giving Emily the wrong advice.
I was having her focus on the little details of altitude when, in reality, she needed to just keep the airplane straight and then occasionally correct for minor deviations in altitude. So I changed my advice.
“Just look out the window. You see this picture? Keep the airplane looking like this. If the horizon drops, pull it back up.”
Once Emily's focus changed, the whole experience changed. We were no longer chasing altitudes; we were simply coasting through the air. I had time to relax, eat something, and just take a break. When Emily needed help figuring something out, she just asked, and we were able to thoroughly enjoy the flight.
The key was focus.

== Need: What has your attention will shape your reactions, your relationships, and ultimately the direction of your life—so we need to learn to keep our focus on what actually matters. ==
== Preview: In 2 Samuel 19, we will see how keeping our focus on what matters means taking responsibility when emotions take over, persevering when people are complicated, choosing grace when we have been hurt, and pursuing unity instead of fighting for recognition. ==

== Setting the Stage: ==

I want to set the stage here for just a moment by reminding you of where we have been. We started with a major problem as Amnon violated Tamar. This led to Absalom killing Amnon and eventually leading a rebellion against King David. A war was fought, and Absalom was killed.
So where does that leave us? David is broken—a brokenness that really started with Bathsheba. The kingdom is in pieces, and it would appear as if everything is broken.
But brokenness has a superpower that we often miss: brokenness gives us the opportunity to reexamine our own lives and polish the rough edges.

== Text: 2 Samuel 19 read with each main point ==

= Body =
== **Responsibility** - Keep your focus when your emotions want to take over (2 Samuel 19:1-8). ==

What most people would have assumed was going to be a victorious celebration was turned into a time of mourning. Instead of marching into the city as victors, the soldiers slinked into the city as if they had actually lost the battle. Victory was turned into defeat, and the loyalty of David's men was beginning to wane.

=== How you react in any situation will affect how others react (1-4). ===

OK, you don't have to like this fact, but that doesn't change the fact: **emotions are contagious.** How you respond to a situation will affect how the people around you respond.

Let me give you a specific positive example.

There is a fascinating biological reality to how we connect with one another: smiling is quite literally contagious. When we see someone smile, special brain cells called **mirror neurons** fire automatically, triggering an involuntary reflex in our own facial muscles to mimic that expression. This phenomenon, known as facial mimicry, is one of the ways our brains help us connect emotionally with other people. A single smile doesn't necessarily stop with the person who started it; it can create a ripple effect that affects the mood of everyone in the room.

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true.

Here we see this playing out. David is broken and upset, and his emotional state is having a profound impact on everyone around him. His grief has become their grief. His mourning has become their mourning. His private pain has become a public problem.

Now, I want to be careful here. This does not mean that you can never show emotion. Emotions are good. God created us with emotions, and Scripture certainly doesn't tell us to pretend that we aren't hurting when we are hurting.

What it does mean is that **we need to take responsibility for our emotions.** We cannot allow our emotions to exercise so much control over us that they begin controlling the people around us or preventing us from doing what God has called us to do.

=== A wise person needs people who can stand outside the situation and tell them when they are reacting poorly (5-7). ===

I don't know exactly what to think of Joab. In general, I think Joab causes a lot of problems, is a hothead, and gives David a lot of headaches. However, on occasion, Joab gets it right, and here, despite all of Joab's shortcomings, he nails it.

Joab approaches David and essentially tells him, "You need to get up and do your job."

The people who had risked their lives for David were now sneaking into the city in shame. They had won the battle, but David's response was making them feel as though they had done something wrong.

Joab wisely recognized that there comes a point when David's grief has to give way to his responsibility.

Look, I know David was upset. I know he was hurt. I know he was grieving the loss of his son. But there came a moment when David had to get up, take control of himself, and return to his responsibilities.

And sometimes we need people in our lives—hopefully people who are better than Joab—who are willing to look us in the eye and say, "Knock it off. It's time to move on."

We all have blind spots. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see what our emotions are doing to us or to the people around us. That's why we need people who can stand outside the situation and tell us the truth.

=== A wise person listens when someone they trust tells them what they don't want to hear (8). ===

At the end of it all, David listened. He got himself put back together, went out to the gate, and began acting as king again.

I don't want to spend too much time here because the text says what it says. The important point is that **David regained control of himself and returned to his responsibility.**

His emotions were real, but they could not be allowed to determine his actions.

=== Image: I trust Emily to give me real feedback on everything from preaching to landing the airplane. ===

In general, I am a words-of-affirmation person, but there is one person who is allowed to give me words of criticism, and that is Emily. I trust her to give me real feedback, and she does.

After a sermon, I will ask her, "How did such and such go?" And I trust her to give me honest feedback.

Emily also gives me feedback on my landings. Seriously, she grades every one of my landings. I usually get a B-plus. I think I have only gotten an A once, landing in Lexington, Nebraska, when Emily couldn't even tell if the wheels were down yet or not. She has high standards, in case you were wondering.

The reason I trust her criticism is because I trust her. I know she isn't trying to tear me down. She is trying to help me become better.

And that is exactly the kind of person we need in our lives.

=== Action Step: Identify someone you trust to give you honest feedback—and give them permission to tell you when your response is becoming unhealthy or unwise. ===

This is part of taking responsibility for yourself. That might sound a little strange, so let me explain.

You are responsible for yourself. You are responsible for your choices, your actions, and your responses. But you also need to recognize that there will be times in life when you are simply too close to a situation to recognize your own limitations.

When that happens, wisdom means having someone you trust who has been given permission to step in and say, "You're not seeing this clearly. You need to step back. You need to calm down. You need to change course."

**Taking responsibility for yourself sometimes means giving someone else permission to help you see yourself clearly.**

== **Perseverance** - Keep your focus when people are complicated (2 Samuel 19:9-18a). ==
As verse 8 comes to a close, we see a significant reality: the people had been at war, and now they faced an interesting quandary. They had rallied behind Absalom, but Absalom was now dead. David was still alive, but he had fled Jerusalem. So what were they supposed to do? Should they put their confidence back in David?
=== Real life is messy, and people do not always make good decisions (9-10). ===

An interesting situation begins to unfold in verses 9 and 10. As the people begin picking up the pieces of their own broken lives, they start talking about what to do about the king. They had fallen in line behind Absalom, David had fled, and now Absalom was dead. The question was whether they should now decide to follow David.

The picture we should have in our minds is something like this: if you were to visit the market, you would probably hear people talking about whether or not they should bring David back as king. But what you would also probably find is that it was all talk and no action.

In real life, talk is cheap. People will talk a lot, but when it comes time to make a decision or take a stand, people scatter.

I mean it. I have seen this time and time again. People talk about wanting change, but what they often really mean is that they want someone else to make the change. People talk about supporting something new until the work actually begins.

We need to be people who persevere even when we are standing alone. We need to be willing to take a stand even when others are only willing to talk about taking a stand.

**Real life is messy, and you may find yourself standing alone, but that does not mean you should stop doing what is right.**

=== Sometimes people—and committees in particular—struggle to make obvious decisions (11-13). ===

David recognized a reality that needed to be resolved. The people were waiting on the elders to make a decision, so David took the next step: he called on the elders to actually make the decision.

Then he followed that up by promising his nephew Amasa a position as commander of the army. By calling on the elders and promising Amasa this position, David was shoring up his position both within his own family and within Judah.

It is striking to me that the decision to bring David back as king should have been fairly obvious. Absalom was dead, David was the rightful king, and the people were already talking about restoring him.

But the reality is that people can be a pain. People often have their own agendas, and those agendas can keep them from making the best decision for everyone involved simply because the right decision isn't quite in their own interest.

The result is that people sometimes struggle to make the right decision even when the right decision seems obvious.

Nevertheless, we need to persevere.

=== Getting the right thing done sometimes requires saying the right thing at the right time (14-18a). ===

With the right people in place, David was prepared, and the men of Judah brought David back into Israel. Moreover, Shimei, from the tribe of Benjamin, who had previously cursed David, brought 1,000 men to welcome David back.

So what actually happened here?

Here is what I see: after the victory, the throne was not necessarily secure. David still had a divided kingdom and uncertain loyalties. But David, working with his people, said the right things to the right people at the right time. He took action to move the people toward the right decisions and ultimately restore the kingdom to himself.

Life would be a lot easier if everyone simply did what they were supposed to do when they were supposed to do it. But that is not the world we live in.

People need to be motivated. They need to be talked to. They need to be persuaded. They need to be brought along.

**This is simply part of working with people.**

If we are going to keep our focus on what matters, we cannot allow the complications of people to make us give up on what needs to be done.

=== Action Step: When you are dealing with complicated people or situations, don't give up simply because the obvious solution is not happening. Ask, "What needs to be said, and who needs to hear it?" ===

== **Grace** - Keep your focus on restoration rather than retaliation (2 Samuel 19:18b-30). ==

Grace, I have to say, is a tough nut to crack. On the surface, sure, we can make sense of it, but to actually show grace? Oof, that is hard.

I remember the phrase I was once taught for grace: "God's riches at Christ's expense." I am incredibly thankful for God's grace, but what does grace look like for each of us? Well, let me suggest that grace is something we freely receive from God but something we can choose to extend to others.

And don't worry, there are plenty of opportunities in life to show grace.


=== People make mistakes, and sometimes their mistakes will hurt you (18b-20). ===

Recall that Shimei was the one in 16:5-8 who cursed David as he fled into exile. In fact, the text tells us that Shimei pelted David with stones while calling David a murderer and a scoundrel. Abishai had even asked David for permission to go over and execute Shimei.

There is no doubt that Shimei's words and actions had hurt David. And now Shimei realizes the mistake he has made.

To his credit, Shimei comes before David humbly and ready to admit his mistake. He acknowledges that he was wrong and asks David to forgive him. He also points out that he is the first from the tribes of Joseph—representing the northern tribes of Israel—to come and greet David as he returns.

In other words, Shimei recognizes that David is the king, and he is taking the first step toward reconciliation.



=== How we respond to people who admit their mistakes reveals our character (21-23). ===

As you might expect, David had some very loyal men who had strong opinions about Shimei. One of those men, Abishai, takes a strong stand: Shimei should be put to death.

I don't think Abishai has done anything wrong here. What I see is a man who is loyal to David and wants to defend David's honor. From Abishai's perspective, Shimei had publicly cursed the king and deserved to be punished.

That being said, I want us to focus on David's response.

Look at what David says in verse 22: "What does this have to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah?" In Hebrew, the phrase is literally something like, "What to me and to you?" It is a way of saying, "Abishai, this is not your decision to make."

David recognizes that he is king. More importantly, David recognizes that this is not the moment for more bloodshed.

I suspect David also understands that showing grace toward Shimei will help him win back the hearts of the people. In fact, we discover in 1 Kings 2:8-9 that David later instructs Solomon to deal with Shimei.

But what I see here is David's character on display. David does not need more bloodshed. David does not need to settle the score. David does not need revenge.

**David has more important things to do than settle every score.**

And that matters.
=== Sometimes the right way forward is simply to move forward regardless of what has happened in the past (24-30). ===

With Shimei behind us, it is now time to move to Mephibosheth.

Recall that Mephibosheth was the son of Jonathan whom David had chosen to honor greatly. When David fled Jerusalem, his servant Ziba made the claim that Mephibosheth was celebrating David's demise and hoping to reclaim his grandfather Saul's kingdom.

Now, as David returns, Mephibosheth comes before him to try to clear things up. David asks why Mephibosheth had not gone with him, and Mephibosheth explains that he had been betrayed by Ziba and slandered.

David, instead of getting deeply into the specifics of who said what and who was telling the truth, simply tells them to divide the property.

Mephibosheth's response is telling. He essentially says, "Let Ziba have it all. I am just glad that my lord the king has returned safely."

At this point, David decides that the details of the dispute do not need to consume him. The king is back. The kingdom needs to be restored. There are more important things in front of him.

Sometimes the right way forward is simply to move forward.

There are times when we need to confront sin. There are times when justice needs to be pursued. There are times when wrongs need to be addressed. But there are also times when, having dealt with what needs to be dealt with, we need to stop looking backward and start moving forward.

**Not every wrong needs to become a lifelong battle.**

=== Action Step: Ask yourself, "Am I trying to move forward, or am I still trying to make someone pay for what happened?" ===

== **Unity** - Keep your focus on what matters instead of fighting over recognition (2 Samuel 19:31-43). ==
=== Even after God brings us through a crisis, we can lose focus over secondary things (31-39). ===

Another man, Barzillai, who had been part of the Transjordan delegation that supported David, arrives next. David offers him the great honor of becoming part of the royal court, but Barzillai declines the offer and instead asks that Kimham be given the honor.

The point here is not that Barzillai is right or wrong, or that David is handling this exactly right or wrong. The point is that there are always tons of details that need the attention of a leader, and it is easy for a leader to get bogged down in those details.

David probably genuinely wanted Barzillai to be part of the royal court. Having an older, respected man from the Transjordan region—a region where the kings had traditionally struggled to exercise control—could have been useful. But this was not the primary focus.

So when Barzillai offers an alternative, David simply says yes and moves on.

I think there is something important here for all of us. **Not everything that deserves our attention deserves our focus.**

There will always be details, decisions, requests, and opportunities competing for our attention. Wisdom means knowing what matters most and being willing to let some things go. David wisely moves forward and Barzillai wisely offers his honor to another.


=== Self-focus turns secondary issues into major conflicts (40-43). ===

Finally, we see things begin to boil over.

David is from Judah, and some of the Israelites see a problem with the way David is being welcomed home. They ask, in effect, "Why should Judah get all the credit? Why weren't we included?"

Then the people of Judah respond, and before long, a disagreement about who gets to be closest to the king turns into a major conflict.

I want you to notice how petty this is.

The kingdom has just been rescued from a rebellion. David has been restored to Jerusalem. The nation has survived a devastating civil war. This should be a moment of celebration.

Instead, the people are arguing over who gets the closest relationship with the king.

**They have lost focus on what matters because they have become focused on themselves.**

And that is dangerous.

What begins as a minor disagreement can become incredibly destructive when our focus shifts from what matters to what we think we deserve.

As we will see in chapter 20, this self-focus and absorption with our own importance will turn a minor squabble into something incredibly destructive.


=== Action Step: When conflict arises, ask, "Is this actually about what matters, or is this about me?" ===

= Conclusion =
== What has your attention? ==
== What has captured your focus? ==
== Is it actually what matters? ==