Latest revision as of 15:27, 6 August 2025

Theological Proposition/Focus: True friendship and support in Christ are marked by selflessness, vulnerability, and unwavering faithfulness, challenging us to reflect Christ's love in our relationships.

Christ Focus: In the broader biblical narrative, Jonathan's selfless actions foreshadow the ultimate act of selflessness demonstrated by Christ, who laid down His life for His friends (John 15:13). Their covenant relationship illustrates the call of God's people to love sacrificially.

Homiletical Proposition/Application: Understanding the depth of Jonathan and David's friendship can inspire us to cultivate relationships marked by selflessness, where we look out for one another's interests above our own, reminding us that true love often involves sacrifice and vulnerability.

Introduction

Image: There is a silver bullet for happiness in marriage: it is selflessness.

In his book What Did You Expect?, Paul Tripp defines love as "willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not require reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving."^[1]
In my own marriage—and as I've observed in others—I believe this definition captures both one of the greatest challenges and one of the greatest blessings of marriage.

What do I mean by "one of the greatest blessings"? It's this: in marriage, there is never a day when you are exempt from considering the needs of your spouse. There is never a day when personal sacrifice is not required. There is never a day when you can sit back and coast. Marriage demands that we develop deep habits of selflessness and sacrificial love. It is a daily invitation to grow in Christlikeness—and though marriage is a uniquely powerful context for this kind of growth, it is not the only one.

You see a fulfilled life is one in which self-sacrifice is the dominant theme. Marriage just happens to be a wonderful training ground.

Need: We need to grow in selflessness—not just with our spouses, but with family, friends, and others God places in our lives. True love, as Tripp describes it, reaches beyond marriage.

Preview: Today, as we look at the relationship between Jonathan and David, we'll see that selflessness demands much of us. It requires willingness, vulnerability, heroic effort, and enduring faithfulness.

Text: 1 Samuel 20:1-42 read in parts with each main point.

Setting the Stage:

We have spent a lot of time talking through David and today we are going to continue talking about David by looking at his interactions with Saul's son Jonathan. Join with me in 1 Samuel 20:1-9.

Body

Willing — Selflessness demands that we be willing, willing to listen, willing to act, and willing to support (1-9).

Idea: True friendship begins with the willingness to listen, respond, and support—even when the cost is high. Jonathan's willingness to hear David out and act on his behalf models the selflessness Christ calls us to.

David was at a breaking point — His plea reveals fear, exhaustion, and desperation.

In fact, verse 1 of chapter 20 uses the phrase "David fled." This phrase had been used in 19:18 and would be used again in 21:10. The reality that David faced was that he was at his breaking point, having to be constantly on the run. Circumstances are truly desperate.

We also see that David is at the point where he just wants to know what he needs to do to fix the problem. David asks Jonathan to tell him what he has done wrong. Jonathan, perhaps the optimist, responds that David doesn't need to worry; Saul is not going to kill him. This is obviously not the case as Saul has already attempted to kill David on two separate occasions (18:10-11 and 19:9-10). I am not sure why Jonathan responded as he did, but if I were to guess, I would say this is standard conversation between friends where initially the one listening doesn't fully understand the significance of what he is being told.

David's response finally breaks down Jonathan's inability to fathom the severity of the situation when he takes an oath that he is mere steps from being killed by Saul. He continues on, asking Jonathan to intercede on his behalf and investigate for himself, and ends with a declaration: if I am in the wrong, then please kill me yourself.

Jonathan was willing to act — His response shows compassion and loyalty that transcends convenience or comfort.

I really don't like Jonathan's first response; it is the classic response of a friend who is not doing a great job listening. Nevertheless, Jonathan redeems the response in verses 4 and 9 by first asking David what he can do, and second assuring David that if he hears any news of David's doom, he would tell David.

Jonathan's response demonstrates compassion and loyalty. "David, what would you like from me?" and "David, know that I am with you."

What David needed was someone to support him, and that is what Jonathan was willing to do.

Christ is the ultimate model of willing selflessness — On the cross, Jesus submitted to the will of the Father for our sake.

The ultimate model of willingness is the model provided by Christ. Think about this: Christ is willing to listen, and He is not going to give you platitudes. More than that, Christ already paid the price of sin on our behalf. In John 15:13, Jesus said, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." Then He went on and actually did it.

The ultimate model of willingness is the model of Christ. We should follow the model of Jonathan—well, the good parts. Really, what we should follow is the model of Christ and His self-sacrifice.

MTR: Carefully consider, what does it look like for you to be truly willing in your relationships—to listen, to act, and to support even when it costs you something?

This is not an easy task, but it is a task worth doing.

Vulnerable — Selflessness demands that we make ourselves vulnerable to others (10-17).

Idea: Selfless love opens itself to pain, loss, and risk. Jonathan and David's covenant isn't based on political strategy—it's built on trust, love, and the courage to be known.

David exposed his fear — He openly shared his dread of Saul's rage, refusing to hide behind toughness or pride.

David doesn't pretend. He doesn't posture. In verse 10, he asks a crucial question: "How will I know if your father answers you harshly?" Just two verses earlier, in verse 8, David had already exposed his deepest fear—he believes Saul is going to kill him. And based on Saul's repeated attempts, David's fear is valid.

But notice what David doesn't do. He doesn't act tough. He doesn't brag about his past escapes. He doesn't pretend to be unaffected. David is raw, honest, and vulnerable. He places his life in Jonathan's hands and refuses to walk this dangerous road alone.

And that's important—because neither should we.

God did not design us to go through life alone. In the garden, after declaring all creation "good," the Lord said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). At the most foundational level, God Himself exists in relationship—Father, Son, and Spirit. That means relationship is built into the very fabric of reality. When we try to go it alone, we aren't just running counter to our design—we're running counter to our Designer.

David models what we so often resist. He opens up. He leans in. He becomes vulnerable. And he invites Jonathan into his fear. But it's not just David; Jonathan also makes himself vulnerable.

Jonathan surrendered control — He expressed trust in God's sovereign plan, even if it meant losing the kingdom.

In verse 12, Jonathan begins with a bold declaration of loyalty and then follows that up with a request that reveals Jonathan's heart—a heart of surrender. Look at verse 14. Jonathan asks that David show kindness to the family of Jonathan. I want us to understand everything that is associated with this request. Jonathan has just revealed to us that he understands what is happening at a deeper level. Jonathan understands that David will be the future of Israel and will have the ability to determine the fate of Jonathan's family.

This is an incredible revelation because it tells us that Jonathan's declaration of loyalty in verse 12 is not a naive declaration but a thought-out and carefully informed declaration. Jonathan knows and understands that the power in the kingdom is going to change hands, and Jonathan probably knows that traditionally a change in power does not bode well for the family of the one previously in power. In this moment, the crown prince of Israel is telling us that he is completely surrendered to the fall of his family and the rise of David.

But I want you to notice one other aspect of Jonathan's declaration before we move on. Jonathan repeatedly makes reference to the LORD—all capitals in our translations. The significance of the capital LORD is that these are references to YAHWEH in the Hebrew. We are seeing right here that Jonathan not only makes this declaration but tells us he understands the real master is YAHWEH, and his submission is, in fact, submission to the will of YAHWEH.

So here in David and Jonathan, we have a powerful display of real vulnerability, and we should seek to be vulnerable—not just because of David and Jonathan, but rather because our ultimate model, Jesus, was willing to be vulnerable.

Jesus embraced vulnerability — In the Garden, Christ grieved, sweated blood, and showed us that holiness is not stoic, but honest and surrendered.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, we see Jesus at His most vulnerable. He grieves. He sweats drops of blood. He asks for help. Holiness, as modeled by Christ, is not cold stoicism—it is raw, honest surrender.

When I was in grad school, someone once asked me if I was a robot. They weren't entirely joking. The Ph.D. program was grueling—cutthroat, relentless, and emotionally exhausting. Out of 17 who started, only five of us finished. I felt the pressure but thought I had to keep it together, to stay stoic, to be invulnerable.

I will tell you now, as I look at life, I can say the right way to do things is to be vulnerable. No matter what society or culture says, vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. In fact, vulnerability was modeled by Christ. I want you to take a minute and turn to Matthew 26:36-42 with me.

Matthew 26:36-42: "Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, 'Sit here while I go over there and pray.' He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.' Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.' Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. 'Couldn't you men keep watch with me for one hour?' he asked Peter. 'Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.' He went away a second time and prayed, 'My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.'"

I almost asked Jason to come up on the stage and read this to capture the emotion, but I also want to capture the vulnerability. Jesus didn't hide His emotions. He brought others into His sorrow. He admitted His anguish. He cried out to the Father. He was deeply vulnerable.

MTR: Who can you be vulnerable with this week? Invite someone into the deeper parts of your life—your fears, your hopes, your struggles.

Who is safe enough to know the real you—your fears, your hopes, your struggles? Invite someone into the deeper parts of your life. Open up, and let others walk with you, as David did with Jonathan—and as Jesus did with His closest friends.

Heroic — Selflessness demands that we accept risk on behalf of the other (18-34).

Idea: Jonathan's stand at the royal table is an act of profound courage. He risked position, reputation, and even his life for David's safety—a foreshadowing of Christ's greater sacrifice.

Jonathan supported David — His words demonstrate theological understanding and values.

In verses 18-22, Jonathan lays out a plan for David. The plan is practical: it allows Jonathan to gauge Saul's intentions while ensuring David has a way of escape. But beyond the strategy lies something far deeper—a rich theological understanding of God's providence.

Verse 22 is especially beautiful: "If I say, 'Look, the arrows are beyond you,' then go, for the Lord has sent you away." Notice that Jonathan does not simply say, "You'll know it's unsafe." He says, "the Lord has sent you away." Jonathan proclaims that if separation is truly necessary, then it will be God who is ultimately sending David away.

Jonathan sees the unfolding situation not just in political or relational terms but in divine terms. He affirms God's sovereignty over circumstances. Jonathan acknowledges that God could change the outcome—but he doesn't demand that He must. Instead, Jonathan fully submits to God's will, trusting that even painful separation can be part of God's greater plan.

This posture of surrender echoes the truth of Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

True selflessness doesn't merely do what God asks—it follows Him with joy, even when the road is painful. Selfless love submits fully, trusting that God's will is always good, even when the moment doesn't feel good.

Jonathan boldly confronted his father — He challenged Saul's rage, knowing full well the cost.

With the plan in place, the test arrives. Saul inquires about David's absence. Missing the first day of the feast wouldn't raise suspicion since ceremonial uncleanness could make one unfit to attend. But by the second day, with no clear reason for David's absence, Saul's curiosity turns to suspicion.

Saul's words in verse 27 mark a shift in tone. He doesn't call David by name. Instead, he refers to him as "the son of Jesse." This is the first time Saul uses that phrase—a title laced with contempt. Ironically, David is Saul's own son-in-law, but the use of "son of Jesse" distances and degrades him. This cold phrase will later become Saul's preferred way of referencing David.

Sensing Saul's hostility, Jonathan fabricates a lie to protect David—but Saul's rage erupts. He sees through the defense, and his wrath turns on Jonathan himself.

Jonathan's response is one of anger. He stands his ground and rebukes his father's behavior, knowing full well the danger he's now in. He is willing to lose everything—his position, his father's favor, even his life—for the sake of David's safety.

Christ took our place at the cross — Jesus bore our shame and wrath, not out of obligation but out of love.

Jonathan's selfless courage points forward to a greater hero. When it comes to sacrificial love, no one compares to Jesus. He didn't just risk His life—He gave it.

Jesus bore our sin, our shame, and God's righteous wrath. Not out of obligation. Not to maintain political alliances. But out of pure, self-giving love. He stood in the gap between us and the judgment we deserved—and He did so willingly.

MTR: Determine to stand in the gap for someone else, even if it costs you comfort, reputation, or safety.

It may cost you something—comfort, reputation, convenience, or safety. But heroic love always carries a cost. Who needs your courage on their behalf?

Faithful — Selflessness demands that we persevere in commitment (35-42).

Idea: Jonathan's final act of faithfulness solidifies a friendship built on selfless love. This covenant relationship points forward to the unwavering faithfulness of Christ to His people.

Jonathan fulfilled his promise — He followed through, even when it hurt. His loyalty was not conditional.

With Saul's murderous intent now fully exposed, Jonathan acts. He follows through on his promise to David—sending the pre-arranged signal with arrows and a boy to confirm that David is in danger. But his faithfulness doesn't stop there.

Jonathan could have quietly sent the boy and walked away. That would have fulfilled the letter of his promise. But instead, he goes above and beyond—he meets with David in person, despite the danger, despite the emotional weight, despite what it might cost.

Notice something subtle: Jonathan reminds David of the covenant they made and of David's promise to care for his family in the future. But he only says this after he has already upheld his part. His faithfulness isn't conditional. He doesn't say, "I kept my word—now don't forget yours." He reaffirms the covenant, not to demand payment, but to strengthen the bond.

Jonathan's loyalty is selfless. It is not based on convenience, mutual benefit, or emotional ease. It's built on love, commitment, and trust in the Lord.

This kind of faithfulness is rare—but it's exactly what biblical friendship, marriage, and church relationships require.

David received the truth with grace — Their parting was painful, but filled with mutual honor and love.

Jonathan's actions are noble, but so are David's. When the truth finally hits—he must leave, and Saul is truly bent on killing him—David doesn't explode in anger. He doesn't blame Jonathan. He doesn't vent his frustration or demand vengeance.

Let's be honest: many of us, if in David's place, might have trashed Saul right in front of Jonathan, seeking comfort through shared frustration. We might have wanted mutual commiseration. But David doesn't do any of that.

Instead, we're told that David bowed down before Jonathan—not once, but three times. That's the highest number of bows recorded in the Old Testament, and it signals profound respect. David honors Jonathan not only as a prince but as a true friend.

Jonathan responds with a kiss of greeting—a sign of affection, respect, and solidarity. This wasn't sentimental; it was a recognition of shared covenant and mutual love. Finally, the two men weep together, with David weeping the most. Their parting is painful but deeply honorable.

David had every reason to be bitter, to hold a grudge, or to walk away cold and self-protective. Instead, he chooses the path of grace. He honors the bond he shares with Jonathan, even in sorrow.

Christ remains faithful to us — His love never fails, and He calls us to that same kind of enduring commitment to others.

Jonathan's covenant faithfulness and David's grace point us to someone greater. Jesus is the truest friend, the most faithful covenant-keeper. He never turns away. His love never wavers. His promises never fail.

Even when we are unfaithful, He remains faithful (2 Timothy 2:13). When others abandon us, He stands by us. And He not only shows us that kind of enduring love—He calls us to mirror it in our own relationships.

Faithfulness is hard. It's rarely convenient. But it's central to the Christian life. Whether it's a marriage vow, a church covenant, a friendship, or a commitment to ministry—Christ calls us to endure, not because it's easy, but because He is with us and He is faithful.

MTR: Where do you need to grow in faithfulness—to a friend, a spouse, a church member? Ask Christ to strengthen your loyalty to others.

Ask Christ to strengthen your loyalty to others. His faithfulness to you is the foundation for your faithfulness to them.

Why should I? Because Christ did it first!

Today I've called you to a high standard—to be willing, vulnerable, heroic, and faithful. That might feel like a lot. And it is. But here's what I want you to remember:
You can live this way—and you should—because Christ already did it first.

He was willing to come.
He made Himself vulnerable.
He stood in the gap for us.
And He has never failed in His faithfulness.

So don't walk away overwhelmed—walk away inspired.
You're not alone in this. You're simply following the path your Savior already walked.

1. ↑ Tripp, Paul David. What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage. Crossway, 2010.