Proverbs 31:10-31

Introduction

The other day I saw commercial for an online dating app. The commercial showed two individuals on an awkward date in a restaurant trying to get to know each other and talking about things that clearly neither was interested in. The punch line of the commercial occurred when both individuals received a notification from the app that someone better looking than the person across the table from them was interested in meeting, the date quickly ended and both individuals rushed off to meet their newest, better looking, potential fling. As I considered what I had just watched I was struck by just how bad we are at judging what is praiseworthy and what is not.

The more I thought about this the more I realized how much this message comes out. Did you know that since 1900, in two-thirds of the presidential elections in America, the taller candidate has one? You might ask, “what are the odds of that?” The answer is about 3%. On university teacher evaluations attractiveness appears to be a factor in how students rate a teacher. Did you know that on average an “attractive” person tends to earn 3-4% more than a person with so-called below average looks?

But it is not just attractiveness that receives praise. Consider the the last time you watched the news. Were there any wholesome stories? What about violence, sex, drugs? What about athletes? Who gets the most screen time, the individual who shakes hands or the individual who shows off and displays poor sportsmanship? In our society, we have a problem, we don't know what is praiseworthy!

Thankfully, the Bible identifies what is praiseworthy. I could certainly take you to something like Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." but I want to take you instead to Proverbs 31.

Main Body

Proverbs 31:10-31 is often referred to as "the Virtuous Wife." While it certainly speaks of a virtuous woman I think it is important that we think of it not as a standard to which we expect a woman to live but rather as a reason for which we should offer praise to a woman. Specifically, Proverbs 31:10-31 presents us with a list of reasons why we should praise the virtues of a woman and a model for how we can all live.

The verses themselves are an acrostic in Hebrew. Specifically, the first letter of each verse is the associated letter in the Hebrew alphabet.

Proverbs 31 is a particular set of proverbs which were apparently provided to King Lemuel by his mother.

God’s ideal is for people to live a life in reverence to him rather than focus on temporary human ideals.

Setting the Stage (Verse 10)

We see an interesting question. "Who can find a virtuous woman?" This question is not intended to suggest that not such woman exists but rather that such a woman deserves honor . Traditionally, most of the verbs in Proverbs 31 are translated in a present tense. However, in the Hebrew, these verbs are often past. For example, in verse 11, the NKJV writes "her husband safely trusts her." In reality, the verb for trust is a past tense verb and we should probably say something like "her husband safely trusted her." The idea here is that Proverbs 31 is not a set of expectations that a man holds for his wife. Instead Proverbs 31 is a poem of honor for a woman who has lived honorably. This slight change in perspective allows us to look at the woman described in Proverbs 31 recognize those same virtues in our mothers, wives, and other woman with whom we interact, thank them for their life, and ask what can we learn from our mothers that we can apply to our life today.

Ephesians 5:25–27 speaks of the church as the Bride of Christ. As we seek to honor the women in our life today, I want you to think about your position as a member of the Church, the bride of Christ. Does your personal life reflect that of a virtuous bride? Within Proverbs 31 we are going to see several virtues, virtues that we see in the women in our life. Are you modeling those virtues yourself.

Don't Be Fooled (30-31)

Within Proverbs 31, verses 10-29 describe the actions of a woman who deserves praise. Now, let’s take a second and listen in on this important piece of advice that King Lemuel’s mother is about to provide her son “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” On one level we see that this proverb appears to be heroic poem, where, in particular, true heroism is pitted against what were considered the desirable features of a woman in other Ancient Near East literature. Specifically, the poem counters the Ancient Near East focus on the physical, even erotic charms of a woman and the Hellenistic intellectual ideal. Rather than praising a woman who has mastered rational thinking, the poem praises a woman who fears God.

Then: King Lemuel's mother wanted him to know how to identify a praiseworthy woman:

We live in a day and age where everyone cares about symptoms and diagnosis. If you do a quick google search for Covid-19 symptoms you will see that a bunch of symptoms, that is reasons you might believe you have the virus. You might have plenty of other things going on in your health, but these are indicator for the virus. I went running today and my knee is sore, but that does not mean I have Covid-19. Granted, my sore knee may need attention, but my sore knee is not an indicator of Covid-19. In proverbs 31:30 we have two non-indicators and one indicator.

The first bad reason to give praise: charm (30a)

The first non-indicator we see is charm. The idea here seems to be something like grace or elegance, a general idea of attractiveness. Everyone has seen a woman who demands attention, not just because of some notion of outward beauty but because of the way she carries and presents herself. King Lemuel’s mother wants Lemuel to know that there are women out there who are so charming that they demand attention. This charm, while promising a lifetime of fulfillment, can be empty. The outward charm can quickly fade to inward rot when out of the public eye.

The second bad reason to give praise: physical appearance (30b)

The second non-indicator is beauty. In this usage beauty is a reference to outward appearance. A real danger lies in making a decision based solely on outward appearance is that physical outward beauty fades with time. We all age, the beauty of youth fades into wrinkles, lines, blemishes and so forth. The individual who makes a choice based only on outward beauty will one-day awaken to the betrayal of age as outward beauty fades.

The reason to give praise: reverence (30c)

I call these two non-indicators because neither charm nor beauty is bad, but neither are either of them sufficient evidence of a praiseworthy woman. A praiseworthy woman, according to the proverb, is a woman who fears the Lord. The fear of the Lord is a major theme in Proverbs. In particular, as stated in Proverb 9:10 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” The idea here is a woman who holds God in reverence. That is, a woman whose entire perspective, outlook on life is shaped by her reverence for God. Her decisions, her motivations, her desires are focused around her reverence of God. Such reverence is the true indicator of a praiseworthy woman. King Lemuel’s mother wanted him to know that a praiseworthy woman, a woman worth marrying, was a woman who revered God. Charisma could not bring lasting happiness, beauty would fade, but a reverence for God would bring a lifetime of happiness. As an immediate application, let me ask you, what are you praising people for? If you are married are you praising your spouse for revering God? What do you praise your children, friends, coworkers for? We need to praise people for revering the Lord

Always: The LORD does not look at the things people look at; the LORD looks at the heart:

Beyond knowing when to praise people, there is a theological truth that we can see within the proverb. “What is that theology?” you might ask. The LORD does not look at the things people look at...the LORD looks at the heart.

A person’s charisma and personal appearance are not impressive to God (30a,b)

Throughout history, humans have tended to be drawn to charisma and beauty but that is not what we see in God. We have all seen a charismatic leader who can get people to follow them wherever they go. Humans are drawn to these charismatic leaders. We see crowds gather to hear them speak, people open their wallets to support their causes. There are times when it seems like these charismatic leaders can do no wrong. History is filled with accounts of leaders who are able to get men to follow them to their deaths. But throughout history, we see God looking beyond the charisma, looking at the heart.

History is filled with stories of beauty. Helen of Troy is known as the face that launched a thousand ships. The story is told of a beautiful wife to a Spartan king who was kidnapped in the night. In response, a devastating war was waged against the city of Troy. While the details and nuances of the war involve far more than just beauty, the fact remains, history tells of a woman’s beauty that led to a massive war. Again, throughout history, we see God looking beyond mere external beauty.

A person’s willingness to live in reverence to God reveals their heart (30c)

Consider the example of King David’s anointing. In 1st Samuel 16:5-13, God sent Samuel to anoint the next king of Israel. Samuel, as a human thought he knew who God wanted as the next king of Israel. Surly God wants the tall handsome oldest son as the next King of Israel, after all, who better to lead God’s people. But how did God respond? The “LORD does not look at the things people look at...the LORD looks at the heart.” Later David is described as a man after God’s own heart. David was far from sinless, but throughout the narrative of David’s life we see a man who revered God.

Application: What do you work on?

What are you working on in your own life? Maybe you are studying hard to learn as much as you can, or maybe you love to exercise to get your body into great shape. These are great things to do, but remember, God looks at the heart. We need to make sure that we are striving to revere God more and more in our own life, more than we exercise, more than we study, we must strive to revere God.

Now: Honor the Women in Your Life Through your Life

Maybe you are convinced now that King Lemuel's mother had a good point and King Lemuel needed to recognize what was praiseworthy in a woman. Maybe you recognize the theological truth that God cares about more than just charisma and physical beauty, but you still might be asking, “how does this apply to me I am working on my own life and working to revere God?” I believe that the wisdom contained in this proverb has a direct actionable item that each of us can apply.

The godly woman deserves praise. (30c)

Proverbs 31:10-31 is known as אֵשֶׁת חַיִל which is translated as The Woman of Valor. The poem is sometimes recited to honor a Jewish woman at her funeral. The whole point seems to be to honor a what woman do.

Recognize the Reward that Such Diligence Warrants(31)

We see the poet change from an imperative "Give her the fruits..." To a jussive, "let her own works...". This variation is likely purposeful and suggests that the first command is a command to people in general who recognize what the virtuous woman has accomplished while the second command establishes that such diligent work warrants praise.

The Bible Knowledge Commentary states, "Honoring a woman at the … gate was not normally done in Israel. But an unusual woman called for unusual recognition."

Conclusion

Mothers day is a day that is designated for honor to mothers. Proverbs 31 also calls on us to honor women. We can learn a lot from women. We can learn virtue and as we learn virtue we can live virtuously as the bride of Christ.

References

Proverbs 31:30 provides an apt summary statement. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,

But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."