2 Samuel 3-4 The Way of Grace

Theological Proposition/Focus: When power, anger, and opportunity collide, most people act on impulse—but David chose a different path. Even when he could have taken revenge or exploited weakness, he chose grace.

Christ Focus: Christ exemplifies grace by offering forgiveness and mercy, even when we are undeserving. Just as David chose grace over vengeance, we see the ultimate expression of grace in Christ's sacrifice.

Homiletical Proposition/Application: Choosing grace in difficult situations not only honors God but also transforms our relationships with others.

Introduction

Image: A tale of two kings

After Saul's death, the path was open for David to become king of Israel—but life is rarely simple. Saul's general, Abner, propped up Ish-Bosheth, one of Saul's surviving sons, as a rival king over Israel, while David ruled over Judah. The result was a civil conflict, with David's general Joab leading his forces against Abner's.

But let's pause here. When we read about this conflict, it's easy to picture massive armies clashing, yet the text suggests something smaller—skirmishes, not sweeping battles. Even so, hundreds lost their lives. The conflict escalated when Abner killed Joab's brother Asahel, sparking a cycle of vengeance that dragged on for some time.

This is the setting of our passage today: power being contested, anger and revenge simmering beneath the surface, and a kingdom caught in turmoil. In the middle of this tension, David faced choices that could have been driven by ambition, emotion, or vengeance—but instead, he consistently chose the way of grace.

Today we're going to look closely at how different people responded in the midst of this conflict. Abner was driven by selfish motives, Joab was consumed by anger, and others schemed for their own advantage. Yet David responded with grace when he had every opportunity to act otherwise.

As we walk through this passage, I want you to wrestle with two questions: "When am I tempted to respond like Abner or Joab? And what would it take for me, by God's help, to respond with the same grace David showed?"

Setting the Stage:

The conflict between David and the house of Saul serves as a backdrop for the themes of power, revenge, and grace that will unfold in our message today.

Body

Motive — True motives inevitably reveal themselves (3:6-12).

Observation: Abner exemplifies manipulation and a hunger for power (3:6-7).

Back in chapter 2, we were introduced to Abner. From the very beginning, it became clear that even though Ish-Bosheth wore the crown, Abner was the one calling the shots. Ish-Bosheth was nothing more than a puppet king, and Abner was the one pulling the strings.

By the time we reach chapter 3, Abner makes his intentions undeniable. He works to strengthen his own position, and then boldly takes one of Saul's concubines. In the ancient Near East, this act wasn't about romance or attraction—it was a public declaration of succession. It was Abner's way of saying, "I should be king now."

When Ish-Bosheth finally shows a spark of backbone and questions him, Abner's hunger for power is fully exposed.

And here's where this text starts pressing on us. You and I may not scheme for a throne, but the hunger for recognition, influence, and control is closer to home than we admit. Maybe it's not maneuvering for the kingship—it's angling to be the favored child, the star employee, the closest friend in the circle, or the one who always gets credit. The temptation to manipulate circumstances in order to promote ourselves is something every one of us feels.

So the question we must ask is this: "When I said that, when I did that—was it truly for God's glory, or was it an attempt to draw attention to myself?" Abner's manipulation may be extreme, but if we're honest, the seed of that same problem lurks in our hearts too.

Observation: Abner demonstrates fickle self-loyalty, switching allegiances to serve his own interest (3:8-12).

You can tell a lot about someone by how they respond when confronted. Ish-Bosheth calls out Abner for overstepping, and instead of owning up, Abner lashes out in anger. He claims he's been loyal all along, but his "loyalty" is only as deep as his self-interest. He demands recognition, as though he deserves honor simply for serving himself.

Then comes the shocking statement in verse 9. Abner essentially says, "Up until now I've been working against God's plan, but now I'll go ahead and work for God." Think about that! He's not submitting to God—he's still serving himself. In Abner's mind, God is simply another ally to use in advancing his personal ambitions.

And when his pride is wounded, Abner flips sides. His loyalty is fickle, because the only person Abner is truly loyal to is Abner.

This is where the truth hits home: motives always come out. You may be able to cover them for a season, but eventually, what is hidden in the heart will show itself in words, actions, and decisions. The solution isn't to bury your motives deeper—it's to let God transform them.

If we take an honest look in the mirror, most of us won't find sins as brazen as Abner's. But if we're equally honest, we'll recognize the same bent toward self-promotion. Call it what you want—selfishness, pride, ambition—it's in all of us. Metaphorically, we all have a little Abner inside. And the only way forward isn't denial or cover-up, but confession and surrender. We need God to dig up those selfish roots and replace them with something new.

MTR: Examine your own motives. Are there areas where self-interest, pride, or manipulation are creeping in? Instead of covering them up, ask God to expose them and transform them.

We may not be scheming for a throne like Abner, but the same heart shows up in smaller ways. At work, it's easy to slip into taking credit for an idea that wasn't really ours, just so the boss notices us. In family or friendships, we can steer conversations or decisions to make sure our own preferences win out, even when we frame it as being "best for everyone." And in our digital world, sometimes we post not to encourage or bless others, but simply to draw attention, praise, or even sympathy to ourselves. The forms may look different, but the root is the same—a quiet pull toward self-promotion.

Choose grace over selfish ambition; refuse to let your motives harm others.

So what's the alternative? It's choosing grace over selfish ambition. At work, instead of grasping for recognition, extend grace by giving credit freely to others and celebrating their contributions. In relationships, rather than pushing your own way, show grace by listening well and letting others' needs take priority. And online, instead of posting for attention, choose grace by using your words to lift up, encourage, and point people toward Christ. When grace shapes our motives, we stop using people for our gain and start honoring them for God's glory.

Distraction — Negative feelings can blind us (3:21-30)

Observation: Joab could not see past the death of his brother Asahel (3:21-25).

The verses just before this section give us important background. After breaking with Ish-Bosheth, Abner comes to David and offers to help unify all of Israel under David's reign. David agrees—on the condition that Abner restore Michal, Saul's daughter, as his wife. Abner follows through, rallies support among Saul's own tribe of Benjamin, and verse 21 ends with a hopeful picture of peace finally coming to Israel.

But peace didn't sit well with everyone. David's deal with Abner sparked anger among his men, especially Joab. Joab could not see Abner as anything but an enemy. Why? Because in the earlier battle, Abner had killed Joab's brother Asahel. Yes, Abner had warned Asahel to stop pursuing him. Yes, Asahel bore responsibility for pressing too far. But none of that mattered to Joab. His vision was clouded—Abner was the one who killed his brother, and that was the only thing Joab could see.

So Joab immediately attacks Abner's character, warning David that Abner must be deceiving him. The irony is thick here: Abner was certainly a manipulator and not a man of character, but Joab's assessment wasn't accurate either. Nothing in the current situation suggests that Abner is spying on David. Joab wasn't protecting David—he was manipulating the situation to serve his own anger.

Observation: Joab prioritized personal vengeance over what was right (3:26-30).

Joab then takes matters into his own hands. He lures Abner into a private meeting and murders him in cold blood. Nothing about Joab's act was warranted, righteous, or just. It was vengeance, plain and simple—a willingness to risk national peace for personal revenge.

Think about that. Joab's role was to serve David and to prioritize the kingdom. He should have pursued peace and strengthened David's rule. Instead, he assassinated Abner, threatening to plunge Israel back into civil war just to satisfy his own bloodlust.

Thankfully, David saw through it. He immediately distanced himself from Joab's actions, publicly mourning Abner and honoring him with burial. Still, David stopped short of holding Joab fully accountable—a failure that would cause problems later in his reign.

MTR: Ask the tough question: "Am I letting resentment or grief cloud my judgment?"

We live in a world drowning in resentment. Political leaders, celebrities, and news cycles thrive on outrage, bitterness, and score-settling. And if we're not careful, we'll absorb the same spirit. Maybe you've been gossiped about, betrayed by a friend, or hurt deeply by someone who may not even realize the damage they caused. If you let that hurt fester, you make yourself the victim twice over—the first time when you were wronged, and the second time when bitterness takes root and blinds you.

I've seen it too many times: a person is genuinely hurt, but instead of releasing it, they hold onto the resentment. Months or years later, the bitterness has only grown, and the wound has never healed. Friends, we must not let that happen. We must learn to let go of resentment, as difficult as it is. Otherwise, like Joab, we risk making destructive choices that serve our pain rather than God's purposes.

Application: Choose grace over bitterness. Release your resentment into God's hands. Don't let grief or anger blind you to what God is doing.

Seriously, I don't think I can make a big enough deal of this. We need to reject resentment—nothing good comes of it.

Choose to show grace instead of being distracted by personal ill feelings toward others.

Ok, I want to move forward. The rest of the chapter talks about David honoring Abner even in his death. Let's fast forward to chapter 4.

Scheming — No human scheme justifies moral compromise (4:1-8).

Observation: With Abner gone, Ish-Bosheth, the puppet king, was vulnerable (4:1-4).

When news reached Ish-Bosheth that Abner had been killed, the text says he "lost courage." With his general gone, Ish-Bosheth saw the writing on the wall. There would be no effective military resistance against David, and the people would quickly align themselves with the stronger leader. But there was also something more—without Abner, distrust began to grow. Peace might only come at the expense of his life.

It's worth remembering that Ish-Bosheth had been the one to give Michal back to David (3:15). Perhaps he hoped for peace and even some small role in David's reign. But now, with Abner assassinated, he likely realized he was not only powerless but also expendable. Everyone could see his vulnerability.

And in this vulnerable moment, two military commanders, Baanah and Recab, hatched a scheme. They saw Saul's dynasty collapsing and believed they could secure their own future by betraying Ish-Bosheth. Their plan was not about loyalty, justice, or even survival—it was about personal advancement.

As a side note, the writer briefly introduces us here to Mephibosheth, Jonathan's crippled son. Why? To remind us that God's story isn't over. David had made a covenant promise to show kindness to Saul's family, and through Mephibosheth that promise would continue. Even in the midst of betrayal and bloodshed, God's purposes were still unfolding.

But the main point here is simple: when Ish-Bosheth was vulnerable, others schemed to exploit him.

Observation: Others sought to exploit his weakness for personal gain (4:5-8).

Recab and Baanah seized their moment. In the middle of the day, under the pretense of gathering wheat, they entered Ish-Bosheth's home, murdered him in cold blood, and then brutally decapitated him to present his head to David. Every step was deceitful, manipulative, and dishonorable.

This was more than murder—it was betrayal, treachery, and a complete moral collapse. These men schemed and manipulated in a reckless attempt at personal gain, justifying the most heinous actions because they saw an opportunity to elevate themselves.

Now, it's true—none of us are plotting assassinations for our own advancement. But the principle here hits closer than we'd like. Have you ever schemed to take advantage of someone's weakness for your own benefit? Maybe not in a life-or-death sense, but perhaps in smaller, subtler ways—shaping a story to make yourself look better, leveraging someone's vulnerability to get your way, or exploiting a situation when no one was watching.

Think about the workplace. Maybe you've seen this: a project is falling apart, and instead of stepping in to help, someone quietly lets it crash—because they know it will make them look better when the boss is looking for answers. Or perhaps a coworker takes credit for an idea that wasn't theirs, just to get ahead. That's scheming—using someone else's weakness or mistake as a stepping stone.

We admire people who rise on their own merits, but schemes usually come at someone else's expense. It's the exact opposite of grace. Grace steps in to cover for a coworker, to build them up, to share credit rather than hoard it. Scheming tears others down; grace lifts others up.

MTR: Examine your actions: "Am I scheming or taking advantage of the vulnerable?"

This is where we must stop and evaluate: "Am I scheming or taking advantage of the vulnerable?"

This is uncomfortable, but it matters. Think about your financial decisions—do your investments or purchases honor the vulnerable, or do they indirectly profit from exploitation? Think about your workplace—do you use someone else's weakness as leverage to climb higher? Think about your relationships—do you ever use guilt, silence, or flattery to manipulate someone into doing what you want?

Application: Schemes always promise quick advancement, but they always leave behind compromise and regret. God calls us to a better way. Turn away completely from exploitation and manipulation, and instead choose grace. Grace doesn't prey on the vulnerable—it protects them. Grace doesn't take advantage—it gives honor.

Grace — Choosing God's way over natural impulses (4:9-12).

Observation: David saw through schemes and refused to honor the wicked (4:9-12).

Grace does not mean ignoring wickedness. Grace means extending unmerited favor—something given, not earned. Those are not the same thing. I want us to really, truly understand the difference. Too often, we hear people say, "Well, we just need to show grace," but what they really mean is, "Let's not deal with sin." That is not grace; that is negligence.

David understood the difference. When Rekab and Baanah brought him Ish-Bosheth's head, expecting to be rewarded, David saw through their scheme. He did not treat their manipulation as a clever political move; he called it what it was—wickedness. Grace never excuses evil. Grace calls it out while offering favor where it is undeserved.

David saw through the schemes of Rekab and Baanah and responded righteously, calling out wickedness. Grace is not a blank check to act wickedly. Grace is showing someone favor even if they have not earned favor. There is a big difference.

That's exactly what David did. Ish-Bosheth had done nothing to earn David's loyalty or favor. Yet David honored him in death—giving dignity to one who, by every natural measure, deserved none. That is grace.

David acted graciously toward Saul's family, even when he could have sought revenge (4:12).

Verse 12 is graphic and brutal—David executes Rekab and Baanah for their treachery. At first glance, this doesn't look like grace at all. But notice what is happening: David is drawing a clear boundary line for his kingdom. He is declaring that moral compromise will never sit on God's throne. Other nations may advance through treachery and bloodshed, but God's kingdom must advance through righteousness and justice.

David needed to set an example in his kingdom especially after two assassinations, one of Abner and one of Ish-Bosheth. David's actions here are brutal but also incredibly wise as David sets out to demonstrate that unlike other kingdoms, David's Kingdom, really God's Kingdom, did not have room for moral compromise on the throne of human schemes.

Rekab and Baanah justified their murder by claiming it was God's will. But David knew the truth: "God's purposes can never be accomplished by sinful means." The ends do not justify the means. That's why David simultaneously condemned wickedness while honoring Ish-Bosheth in death.

Here's the lesson: grace is not soft on sin, and it's not naïve about people's motives. Grace refuses to compromise truth but still chooses to extend undeserved honor and dignity.

MTR: Look at others through the lens of grace—and never compromise your morals.

This is what sets the people of God apart. We live in a culture that often swings between extremes: either excusing everything in the name of "tolerance," or condemning everything with bitterness and vengeance. Grace walks a different road. It refuses to excuse sin, but it also refuses to dehumanize people who don't "deserve" kindness.

To show grace is to say: "I will not compromise what is right, but I will also not withhold honor and kindness from those who cannot earn it."

Let grace guide your motives, actions, and responses.

Think of a workplace situation. Imagine two employees competing for the same promotion. One tries to get ahead by spreading rumors and undermining the other. Now, the natural impulse would be to strike back—expose their lies, embarrass them, or even wish they'd get fired. But grace looks different. Grace says, "I'm not going to stoop to their level. I will do what's right, keep my integrity, and still treat them with dignity as a person."

That doesn't mean ignoring the wrongdoing—it may still need to be reported. But it does mean refusing to let resentment or revenge drive your actions. That's grace: standing firm in truth without letting bitterness dictate your response.

Imagine a student who has worked really hard on a group project, but when the teacher asks for presentations, one of the other group members takes all the credit. The natural impulse would be to lash out, embarrass that person, or try to get even later. But grace looks different. Grace says, "I will stand up for what's right—I’ll make sure the teacher knows the truth—but I don't have to tear that person down or seek revenge."

Grace doesn't ignore the wrong, but it also refuses to let bitterness take control.

Closing: David's example shows that grace is not passive; it is active, deliberate, and transformative. Even when others manipulate, hurt, or scheme, we can choose to act with integrity, honor, and mercy.