Lessons From Mom: Proverbs 31:10-31

Introduction

Have you ever struggled to pick the perfect gift for mother's day? I certainly have. I love receiving gift cards, but for some reason it feels wrong for mother's day. I hate to get flowers because they just die. On the other hand, it doesn't really seem right to get something for the kitchen as that is really something for me. I could go with a card, but that is going to find it's way to the trash can pretty fast. It is just hard, what do you get for someone that is meaningful?

As is usual the Bible has an answer if we are willing to look hard enough. Proverbs 31:31 commands "Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates. (NKJV)" Did you catch that? Proverbs speaks of giving the fruit of her hands. Now bear with me, I have not even argued yet that Proverbs 31:31 is a reference to your mother, and actually I am not going to truly make that argument. But we are getting ahead of ourselves, the point of the passage is something akin to "The worker is worthy of his wages" in 1 Timothy 5:18. I certainly think we can agree that mothers are worthy of honor for all they do and for the moment I want you to see that one of the greatest honors that can be given to a mother is for her to receive the fruit of her labor. What might this mean? I argue that one of the greatest honors you can give your mother is to live in a way that reflects some of her greatest moments; to live in a way that reflects a godly lifestyle. And guess what 100% of the population here has a mother.

Also, I want to acknowledge that there are many here who are not mothers. Actually, did you know that more than 50% of the population is not a mother? Beyond the fact that the men in the building are not mothers, there are also plenty of women in the building who are not mothers. Today as we celebrate mother's day I think it is equally important that we recognize that Proverbs 31 is speaking of a Valiant Woman and not just a mother. We must acknowledge that women do amazing work that deserves honor!

Let me start at the beginning, Proverbs 31:10-31.

Main Body

Proverbs 31:10-31 is often referred to as "the Virtuous Wife." While it certainly speaks of a virtuous woman I think it is important that we think of it not as a standard to which we expect a woman to live but rather as a reason for which we should offer praise to a woman.

Setting the Stage (Verse 10)

In Proverbs 31:10 we see an interesting question. "Who can find a virtuous woman?" This question is not intended to suggest that no such woman exists but rather that such a woman deserves honor . Traditionally, most of the verbs in Proverbs 31 are translated in a present tense. However, in the Hebrew, these verbs are often past. For example, in verse 16, the NKJV writes "She considers a field and buys it;" In reality, the verb is a past tense verb and we should probably say something like "She considered a field and then bought it." Did you catch the subtle change. Proverbs 31 is not calling on the woman to consider every field all the time and be responsible for all the decisions about which properties the family should purchase. No, Proverbs 31 is saying something like, "do you remember that time when dad was away at war and the neighbor's field became available. Mom, in her wisdom thought long and hard and finally decided to purchase the field. That was such a great investment." Okay, I have clearly embellished a bunch but you get the idea.

Now, I don't want you to worry that I am saying your Bible is wrong. I am absolutely not saying your Bible is wrong. What you hold in your hands is an amazing work of translation. The Bible was not written in English. And whenever you translate there are always things that don't come across properly. In English we tend to write in such a way that verb tense does not change within a paragraph or a sentence. However, in Proverbs 31, the Hebrew has verb tense changes all over the place. Now, I don't know exactly what decisions were made in your translation, but I suspect that writing good English was part of the decision. Hence, some of the verb tenses are lost in our translations. So does this mean we toss out our Bible? No! it means we study, and when we study what we find is that Proverbs 31 is not a checklist for a woman to complete every morning it is not a set of expectations that a man holds for his wife. Instead Proverbs 31 is a poem of honor for a woman who has lived honorably. Something like a lifetime achievement award. "Do you remember that time when she rose up and it was still night? I am sure she wanted to sleep but she knew that we needed her and so she was up." This slight change in perspective allows us to look at the woman described in Proverbs 31 recognize those same virtues in our mothers, wives, and other woman with whom we interact, thank them for their life, and ask what can we learn from our mothers that we can apply to our life today.

Proverbs 31:10-31 presents us with a list of reasons why we should praise the virtues of a woman and a model for how we can all live.

The verses themselves are an acrostic in Hebrew. Specifically, the first letter of each verse is the associated letter in the Hebrew alphabet. They would have been easy to remember in Hebrew and were something that could be taught.

Proverbs 31 is a particular set of proverbs which were apparently provided to King Lemuel by his mother. Within this passage we see that

God’s ideal is for people to live a life in reverence to him rather than focus on temporary human ideals.

My argument today is that living such a life is a means of honoring your mother by demonstrating the fruit of her labor. What we are going to do is to look at three characteristics of virtuous living, characteristics that we can see in our mothers and in turn learn to display ourselves.

Ephesians 5:25–27 speaks of the church as the Bride of Christ. As we seek to honor the women in our life today, I want you to think about your position as a member of the Church, the bride of Christ. Does your personal life reflect that of a virtuous bride? Are you modeling those virtues yourself. Remember this is not a daily checklist, this is a willingness to do what is necessary when it is necessary.

Some Things We Can Learn From Women

Our Actions Should Bring Honor (Verses 11,12, c.f. 23)

• Verses 11-12: As we dig into this lifetime achievement award what we see is that a central aspect of this individuals life was her trustworthiness. This woman's husband was able to trust in her.
• Honor is a big deal. One of the things that I realized early on as a university professor was that the right PhD student could be a huge asset to my reputation. I was lucky and had one of the best students I have ever seen approach me and ask if she could work with me on research. The result was that people saw her work, gave her praise, but also turned to me as her advisor and praised me. This student was a huge boost to my career.
• The word that we translate as "gain" in the NKJV is a word for spoils of war. I suggest that the audience might have realized that the man had to be away, maybe at war, but his ability to trust his wife's ability to maintain and manage the household in his absence gave him the ability to go and do what needed done. If you have ever had an administrative assistant or other employee who helps you with your day-to-day job you know how amazing an asset an individual can be in allowing you to focus on what you need to do.
• Verse 23: Verses 11-12 certainly build an interesting point but verse 23 caps it off. The woman's work in the man's absence brought great honor to the man.
• It is certainly the case that many of our mothers have done something similar in our own life. Maybe dad had to work late, travel, or something else. Regardless, mom kept things going in dad's absence.
• So what is the lesson that we can learn from our mom? We learn the value of trustworthiness. It is interesting that Christ is physically gone, he is in Heaven. But we here have been entrusted with his work on Earth. Do our actions bring honor to Christ? We all know women who have faithfully served their house in the absence of their husband, we need to learn from them what it means to faithfully serve as we await the return of Christ.
• Does this mean we stop everything and all become monks? No! that is not what Proverbs 31 describes. Rather we live life in a way that brings honor to Christ. Paul wrote in 1 Cor. 10:31 "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

There Are Times to Selflessly Toil (Verses 13-15, c.f. 19,20)

• Have you ever started a job that you thought would go smooth only to realize that the job was much bigger and harder than you imagined. There are times when a job is hard and requires work. My wife and I have often talked about how much easier things could be if everything always worked out properly. Unfortunately sometimes things don't just work out. In verses 11 and 12 we saw that sometimes the actions of the woman brought honor to her husband. I venture to propose that most of us would be willing to do something if we knew it would bring some profound honor to the name of Christ. But what we see in verses 13-15 is that there was a time when the woman of Proverbs 31 had to do less honor-producing, labor intensive work.
• Verse 13-14: The idea of wool and flax is that of seeking basic elements for fulfilling the needs of the house. The work is no trivial work but hard labor intensive work as wool become thread and thread becomes clothes. The description of merchant ship bringing food from far reminds us that sometimes there is hard work to be done. The imperfect verb in the phrase "she brings her food" may suggest that this was not a one-time occurrence but an event that had to happen frequently.
• Verse 15: Here we have a preterite that follows the imperfect of verse 14. The idea may be that there was a period of time where she had to get up early if she was going to accomplish everything that needed done. Remember this is not a todo list, this is a lifetime achievement award. Something like "do you remember that time when she got up every early every morning during the summer of 945 BC in order to keep the crops going when dad was away fighting the Philistines? (again I am embellishing but you get the idea.)
• I bet there were times in your own life when your mom selflessly served you or others. I want you to think back to that time for just a minute because I want to ask, "what lesson do we learn from mom?" Did you mom sacrifice her mornings to get you to Volleyball? Maybe she gave up every Saturday so you could play on that soccer team. Maybe you are struggling to come up with something. I dare say it is not because your mom did not sacrifice, it is because she sacrificed with a smile and you never realized it was a sacrifice.
• We need to realize that there are times in the Christian life, in the church where we will be called to selflessly serve, and it might be for more than just a single weekend. Just like the woman in Proverbs 31 we may need to make a sacrifice as we serve. When God calls on you to serve remember your mom. Maybe you can make the sacrifice without even letting others realize it is a sacrifice, now that is a lesson from mom.
• Romans 12:1 states "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service." The idea of selflessly serving is a central component of our faith.
• By observing our mothers we can learn what it looks like to selflessly toil and we can ourselves selflessly toil for Christ.

Stewardship Demands Wisdom (Verses 16-18, c.f. 26,27)

• Do you remember the first time you were given the keys to the car? All that responsibility! I remember sitting in driver's education and listening to the teacher tell us that when we get behind the wheel of a car we take on the ability to seriously hurt or maim someone and that ability could lead to lawsuits, poverty, and the loss of our own homes. Wow, that is heavy stuff. But, it made me think. When I received the keys to the car my parents were trusting me with a lot! My parents were trusting me to wisely steward their property.
• Verse 16: Remember that Proverbs was written in a time when war was common and war meant a significant amount of time spent away from home. We so often get caught in 1950 American thinking and ask why a woman would ever make such an important decision without the help of her husband. Well, guess what, there was a time when men would go to war and women would do the work of both husband and wife. In this case, the woman would wisely steward the resources of the household.
• That is a lot of responsibility!
• Verse 17: The idiom "she girds herself with strength" conveys the idea of preparing for a heroic or difficult action. Stewardship is not easy but needs to be done.
• Verse 18: Someone might ask. Where did the woman get the strength and energy to be such a good steward? The answer, in verse 18 is that she knew it was worth the effort.
• It is not true of everyone here but there are probably a lot of you who at some point in your childhood were poor! No seriously, I have seen statistics that suggest that 60% of Americans will experience poverty. Again, you might not realize it because your mom was so careful to wisely steward.
• So what is the lesson we can learn from mom? We need to steward what God has given us wisely. This may be your money, but maybe it is something different. Maybe you need to be a wise steward of your time, your talents or something else. 1 Peter 4:10 calls on us to be good stewards of the grace God has given us " As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God."

As Christians, we need employ virtuous practices in our service to Christ.

Choose to show Honor(30-31)

But that is not all we can learn from Proverbs 31:10-31!

Within Proverbs 31, verses 10-29 describe the actions of a woman who deserves praise. What we saw was that the reasons to praise the virtuous woman are things that we can seek to model in our service to Christ. Now, let’s take a second and listen in on another important piece of advice that King Lemuel’s mother is about to provide her son in verse 30. “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” On one level we see that this proverb appears to be heroic poem, where, in particular, true heroism is pitted against what were considered the desirable features of a woman in other Ancient Near East literature. Specifically, the poem counters the Ancient Near East focus on the physical, even erotic charms of a woman and the Hellenistic intellectual ideal. Rather than praising a woman who has mastered rational thinking, the poem praises a woman who fears God.

Mother's day is a day when we can honor mothers not for the world's measures of what a person but for God's measure.

The reason to give praise: reverence (30c)

Proverbs 31:10-31 is known as אֵשֶׁת חַיִל (chai-el Ei-shat) which is translated as The Woman of Valor. The poem is sometimes recited to honor a Jewish woman at her funeral. The whole point seems to be to honor what woman do. Remember the idea of a life-time achievement award. So the outstanding question we need to address is the question of how.

Recognize the Reward that Such Diligence Warrants(31)

Verse 31 brings us to a fitting conclusion, "give her the fruit of her hands."

We see the poet change from an imperative "Give her the fruits..." To a jussive, "let her own works...". This variation is likely purposeful and suggests that the first command is a command to people in general who recognize what the virtuous woman has accomplished while the second command establishes that such diligent work warrants praise.

Some say that imitation is the best form of flattery. Well what better way to honor our mothers than to imitate what they did to earn their lifetime achievement award?

The Bible Knowledge Commentary states, "Honoring a woman at the … gate was not normally done in Israel. But an unusual woman called for unusual recognition."

Conclusion

Mothers day is a day that is designated for honor to mothers. Proverbs 31 also calls on us to honor women. We can learn a lot from women. We can learn virtue and as we learn virtue we can live virtuously. And as we imitate ways in which our mothers brought honor, selflessly toiled, and were wise stewards we will not only bring them honor but we will bring honor to Christ.

So this mothers day I hope you got your mom a gift, or a card but don't forget that the greatest honor you could give your mother is not the card or gift but a determination to live a virtuous life for Christ.

References

Proverbs 31:30 provides an apt summary statement. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,

But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."